Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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