where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
