I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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