That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
