Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
