i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
