Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
