he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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