Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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