She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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