So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
COCAINE IS GR8
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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