I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
