Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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