This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry mΓ©nage a trios in a closet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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