I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
