Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
