not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
