You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
