if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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