I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
