i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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