Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
