You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
