i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
