I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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