I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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