Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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