i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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