fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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