In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We have started to decorate penises.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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