it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everyone says I win the strip club
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
