He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize