don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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