Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
