I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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