WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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