pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
