I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize