I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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