do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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