That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
