From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
