He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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