He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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