There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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