hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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