so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
