I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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