Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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