i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
