Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
