I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it because I queefed?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
