just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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