Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
