i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
