We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
