Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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