Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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