I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
