is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
