I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
