Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
even my farts smell like vagina
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
