I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
