Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have fence marks all over my body
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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