i think my tv is drunk
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
