You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
