I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
