I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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