She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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