I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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