My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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