we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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