Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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