My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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