If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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